Somesh Arora: TheImaginative Negative list:

Ever since the concept of negative list has been mooted by the tax authorities in India, my imagination about what all will be covered has become rather fertile. I have been informed that in the lanes of Chandni Chowk are available service suppliers, who provide women for carrying out the chest beating services on the sad occasions (Commonly known as Rudalis) and also men and women for demonstrations and for public meetings of the netas against payment by their chachmas. Depending upon crowd required the payment runs into lakhs for each transaction and the provider shall be definitely out of the limit of small service provider, if all the transactions are recorded. If the Service tax department can rope such suppliers in the tax network, we shall atleast come to know, who is the leader with real Charisma and who with the bought out variety.

Ba-ba black sheep

            By some rare celestial combination, it has been observed that for the last three years, months of March to June have become  months, when one or other baba out of many we have in India comes to distress by exposure of his negative side in Public.  The list to name a few includes Shiv Myra Dwivedi, Bamdev Baba, Kashi Matham Raghavendra Thirtha Swamy, Sufi Bengalil Baba namely Sultan, Rajiv Ranjan Dwivedi alia sex baba, Icchadhari Bhimanand Swami, Nityananda Swami, Mumbai lap top baba Rahul Ram Kumar.

   This year the (dis) honour goes to none other than Nirmal Baba. Known to his many disciples for his unconventional remedies on a query being raised like why I am seeing a Samosa, so eat samosa. Keep ten rupees bundle in your locker to have wealth.

 I see a dog, so keep a dog. The baba obviously could not see the trouble and courts coming his way (as on the date of writing this piece- and can be prison later). Otherwise, he would have self advised himself to make a Court room and bars in his own house. The gullible public continues to get impressed with the sheer variety available and always have some or the other such baba to choose from on various channels being run to accommodate them.  The only variety which is still to be heard of because of vegetarianism being professed by and large by all,  is a baba known as `Tandoori Chicken Wala Baba’, who  may distributes as his prasadam, only  tandoori chicken. And expects from his devotees to bring in offering, `tandoori chicken’ only, when their wishes get fulfilled by coincidence of some divine will and his  utterances.  Atleast I for once, will not mind being a devotee.

Deal Settling Tourism:  (? now this one is clearly an out come of my weird thinking) The months up to May, 12 saw a drop in `deal settling tourism’ to and from Delhi and Mumbai, the biggest hubs of such activities.  This was because there were less number of Kingfisher and Air-India flights available compared to last year. While the mobile phones have come to be avoided post Radia, personal presence has become essential. This led to not so big time deals being postponed.  The real estate prices and the share market were consequently affected and tanked. The loss due to Airline strike to the (black) economy was of much higher degree than reported. The situation may improve post June, 2012.

Terms redefined: In the modern context certain terms commonly used, it appears need to be redefined. A small exercise is attempted:

Cricket at Indian Premier League:  A game in which every fifth person is  high on booze, every tenth person betting, every 100th person watching the game, one in 1000 playing it- but almost everyone watching the Cheer girls.

Democracy: A form of the government, of the corporates, for the corporates and by the corporates elected by people by receiving the money paid by the corporates.

New Chambal: A geographical territory to the  east of Chambal, formerly known as Bhopal, where white collared dacoits sit right from babus to senior officers to Chief Medical officers found to be carrying more cash than R.B.I.,  in their dens.

Petro prices- a fiscal management tool better than interest management tool of R.B.I. commonly used to whip up profits of oil companies for three mid years of the term of a government to bring down the same to offer relief to people in the election year.